Crying that is. I wonder if anyone can relate?

I got some really bad news last week. My employer had led me to believe I would be able to work part time while at uni this year(I start in 5 weeks), but last week they told me no. This is NOT GOOD. Means in 5 weeks I can not afford to live...FLIP! (Insert expletive)

So after this news I have been frantically trying to sort something, anything.....and nothing has worked out.

Anyway....the problem now is, after an horrendous xmas period emotionally I thought I may be able to do some work in therapy on my emotions etc and past trauma. Now.....no. I find I have shut down completely, I simply can not allow myself to FEEL ANYTHING. For if I do......I am afraid I will be consumed, I will not be able to stop the tears if I start. I can occasionally feel something begin to well up, but I shut it off immediately and "I am fine" jumps into my head.

I notice that I am now hyper vigilant, jumping even more at any sound around the house and strangly.....something I have never done before, I am taking my phone to bed with me, "just in case" I tell myself, but I have no idea in case of what?

I wish I could even figure out what I am feeling, I think it would probably be good to cry to vent to something.....but there is no one else that can sort this problem out for me, I have no one to rely on......so I have to be able to remain logical, practical & functioning and not allow any emotions to overwhelm me.

It does feel like I might burst soon though..............