Thank you for your reply - I have dealt with a lot of the same kinds of things as you have described, especially about losing friendships and about putting on a facade. I too believe that we have the right to feel whatever we feel but what I mean by posting this is that there is so much of life that I take for granted. I don't want to speak for you as well but I just don't know why I can't be satisfied just with the fact that I'm alive. There are plenty of things to be thankful for regardless of the negative things and the fact that I am not satisfied leaves me feeling selfish. There are so many people who have much less than I do and they need help yet all I think about on a regular basis is my own needs and wants which are often ridiculously luxurious. There is no lasting value in luxury but I still treasure it. I don't like that luxury is more important to me than the good of humanity. I don't like that I put myself first all the time. When I think about the people who really need help and what they struggle with it makes my problems just seem narcissistic. But I can't help it.