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This doesn’t sound unusual to me. Having experienced long term depression with the spaces in between… I can’t say that I miss feeling depressed when the times of respite are in effect… but I do get nervous about getting ‘better’ when I’m in the dip.
There is something comforting and secure when in that state… very hard to explain as it’s joined by scary notions as well (though they feel like norm and ok at the time).
By that same token, I picked up on a vital bit you said “I know I will probably go on a downer again but we'll see”… it is the worry of the respite being fleating… and the very process of the ups and downs can be confusing and upsetting… in essence we are unsettled in this go between scenario.
From a personal perspective I hate the lack of certainty when things seem to be getting better… I’d rather feel like crap and know 100% that is how things are than go through the disappointment of an up, just to be cut at the ankles and fall over and over.
But that’s part of the battle and as things improve and your balance stabalises… it will get better and easier to manage.
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Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK
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