I feel so guilty for what I have done. I haven't done anything like this in a while, at least 3 months. Also it's been a year since have been hospitalized which is a big deal for me because I was in at least 2-3 times if not more in a year with some years being much more. The self destructive voice lives inside me again. Stronger then before in many ways. Wanting to hurt myself so bad to punish myself for being bad. I don't know why am so angry, guess just a lot of things have been going on. Putting everything on hold for people who need me sometimes is getting harder and harder. Harder to quiet the voice so had to give in. Just didn't think I would come back to this place. Not a great start to a new year.
Love and hugs,
Jen