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Originally Posted by gypsysummer
Autumn Skies - thanks for the advice. I was hoping for a neurological issue but the neurologist counted that out. I will look into the assessment though.
If this is DID it's really hard to get a handle on the reality of it. The memory issues make it hard to remember how I felt at certain times. Also, if I feel one way it's really hard to visualize feeling any other way. For instance, if one day I have one set of morals, I can never imagine having a different opinion. Then the next day I may have a totally different set of beliefs. So I just think well maybe yesterday I was confused. It's very disorientating.
Actually life in general is extremely disorienting.
I always thought that people with DID have very distinct personalities like Sybil. I'm not like that. I don't one day wake up with a different accent or language. I'm starting to learn that maybe that isn't so accurate. However, I don't mean to discredit anyone else's experiences.
I think my T and I need to have a serious conversation about functioning because whatever this is, it's becoming unbearable and the more I become aware of it, the worse it gets.
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I can relate to the mood memory stuff. If I'm happy I can't seem to remember any bad times, and if I'm sad, angry, depressed, scared, etc. it's the same thing.
When I was diagnosed I thought the same about what DID actually was: distinct alters with different names (to the world), accents, etc. I figured it would have been obvious. Then I started learning about it and it started to make sense how I fit in with this. It's not an all or nothing disorder, there are so many levels to it. As well, a lot of peoples systems are set up so that no one finds out that they are functioning as different alters at different times. My system was set up because I wasn't allowed/able to feel different emotions (fear, anger, hostility, etc) and so my alters developed to feel those feelings for me. It's a different, separated part of my brain (dissociated from other parts) doing this, just as in other cases, a person might have a more distinct alter than emotional/cognitive differences.
I'm glad you're planning on talking to your t. It might be good to have a lot of examples written down when you go in, or even write a letter beforehand so that you remember what you want to say. I find if I can come up with specific examples of how something is negatively affecting me the person I'm talking to takes me more seriously than if I'm just "complaining" (which is what it feels like they think I'm doing sometimes).
Ex. if I'm not sleeping, my life is horrible. So many other people complain about sleeping but it's not so negative for them. For me, I can't have stable emotions, I switch a lot more, I can't concentrate, I get restless legs syndrome, I get depressed and start to wonder what's the point,e tc. These are all examples of how it affects me and when I go into the details, the dr is more willing to say "yes, we need to work on this" .
Hope it goes well for you!
xo,
IJ