(((Jane))),

I am so sorry you have this big disappointment, that is something that can definitely trigger an unwanted PTSD cycle. It's actually pretty "normal" for someone struggling with PTSD to feel like "crying" when they go see their therapist. A good therapist will know this and if you have a therapist you "can" sit and cry with, that is a good sign that you have a good therapist.

I can sure relate to just wanting to have a good cry and not be able to because your child is there or for some reason you can't because of where you are. There is no reason you should be ashamed that you come here to vent either. You know Jane, we are "real people" who struggle with PTSD too. You do not have to feel "sorry" for going on, let it rip if you need to, there are other members here that know that need believe me.

It's OK to have a bad day and come here and vent, you don't have to be "strong all the time you know", coming here amongst others who understand the challenge is not like talking to other people who can't understand it.

You had a big disappointment, you had plans to make progress, move forward and those plans have been thwarted and that is always a trigger with PTSD. Of course you feel boxed in and angry yet also so frustrated that you want to have a good cry. You do need support and it's very hard when you can't seem to get that need met because your child is right there and you just don't have a way to have him tended to so "mommy" can get some much needed comforting. Oh, I am sure that is a trigger too, I have been in that kind of scenario myself so I know.

Can you email your T and possibly set up a phone session, perhaps when your son is in bed so you can at least talk to your T? I don't know if your T will do that for you, but sometimes a T will work with you, I know my T has done that with me. I have actually had several phone sessions because of bad weather or because I was just too bad to drive the 45minute drive just to see him. He still get's paid and he knows me enough so that it's not a big issue. You can't help it if you are tied down with your child and don't have anyone to help you with him so you can take off for a bit for therapy. Not unless he has little friends where you know their mothers enough to ask a favor for a play date. That might be something you could work towards cultivating though, I know it's not easy but, sometimes getting to know someone you can switch playdates with helps.

As far as work not giving you the time off so you can go to school too? Well, I have run into others that experienced a similar challenge, even a last minute, no we can't do that after all, sorry. I ran my own business and while I didn't have a boss that got in the way, I did have clients and events I had to do and put my own needs aside and do my best to manage having to set myself/own needs aside, it wasn't easy, I know.

Well, it's ok to cry, get mad, be frustrated and disappointed and wait for the trigger to run it's course. Then when you can calm down again, perhaps you can come up with a different plan somehow. Just make sure you don't let yourself feed into some kind of self punishing doom and gloom scenario. I know that's what it feels like right now, but acknowledge it, you can feel bad, but try very hard not to "feed into it". I am in no way being dismissive, I know how these episodes feel first hand, yes, they ****.

Yes, you are just coming off of a long stressful holiday, this is not something you need right now, I hear you.

(((Comforting Hugs)))
OE