Wow. Didn't expect this thread to return from the grave.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IzzyMeadows
1. I'm an Appalachian too.
And now on to business. I can understand how you feel. I have a very active sex drive but I don't like it. My antidepressants nixed it a good bit thankfully. But I know where mine comes from. I was raped, tortured and prostituted for my childhood. It took me a long time to stop hating myself for having urges. I just don't associate sex with positive things. Masturbating sent me into deep depressions. Being with someone just sucks for me. I want to feel beautiful and sexy and everything others get from sex but I don't think I will. It sucks. I'm a very social person but dating at my age is all about sex for the guys I've met. I'm in college too. I've gotten to the point where masturbating doesn't affect me as bad but being with someone is always a bad experience. I've tried to make it about their pleasure since mine can't be taken care of but it just doesn't work very well. You might try finding someone like me who is scarred in that area. Or look into the fact that you might have repressed a memory that is at the root of this. Good luck
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk
|
First allow me to offer my deepest and more sincere condolences for your own troubles. I know it's not much but hey, there it is.
You describe the way I feel in almost every way save for the fact the my hatred of my own sexuality has always just kind of... been there. I can think of no underlying "cause" for it. It's just a part of my own unique psychology. I've always felt it was bad in the same way I've always felt it was bad to hurt people or take things that aren't yours. Sex has always represented the antithesis of everything I find to be wholesome and good.
Both therapists I have seen have also asked if I thought there was some repressed memory that was causing me to feel the way I do. However, I feel very certain that there is none. And even if there was, I can't imagine it would change the way I feel. I wouldn't like to let something like that so drastically alter my personal morals.
If fact I remember quite clearly being sexually "exploited" when I was young. I use the term in quotations because it's such a non-issue to me. A kid in my neighborhood hit puberty while I was till a few years away from it. I guess you could say he was "exploring" and had me there to further that along. He moved away after a while. I never even gave it much thought. He was a kid he didn't really understand what he was doing and neither did I. No animosity. No harm done.
Thanks for taking the time to reply and again I wish you all the best in finding your own resolution.