You can fight it. And you've already started on the path to change things by seeking help, coming here, etc. I don't have the answers for you on exactly how to fight/overcome it though, maybe others here will have better advice in that area. Probably going to therapy is the best bet (I avoid that too) and taking meds to control depression/anxiety.

I also hate myself, am extremely anxious in all social interactions, cut myself off from friends I used to have, plus I assume that most people think I am an annoying idiot/loser/weirdo without anything valuable to say (and I believe they could be right). I know what you mean about the "they know!" thing - I feel like that a lot but I'm a little socially paranoid.

Try to remember that you don't have to be "normal" or have a "normal life" (which usually just means "stereotypical life"). You CAN have relationships and you don't have to explain your issues to anyone unless you feel like it (they will just assume you are an introvert/loner - many people are).

I wouldn't recommend getting spiritual/religious because it's all completely unbelievable BS that's based on lies . But it could help you maybe... it seems to help other people I just think it's bogus and don't care for it. But don't let my opinion sway you because I am going to go to hell or be reincarnated as a dung beetle.

Hang in there man, and welcome to the forum. This is the best AvPD sub-forum on the web because our members are so just truly and legitimately AvPD that everyone exhibits avoidance behaviors in regards to posting here.