Quote:
Originally Posted by reagan
She continues to say that we can't go forward until I let all this go. She has said that my not wanting to have a child now is me effectively putting our lives on hold, and that we can't get better until I get past that. I need to be able to at least envision a life together with out fighting and screaming all the time before I can get past this, and certainly before I can even think about having a child with her. I know she has apologized, but I need to be able to see a pattern of a different behavior and I haven't seen that yet. And as the fighting has been going on for months at a rate of once every week or two, I think it's reasonable to expect that we can go at least a few months without fighting before I'm going to feel secure about it.
|
Boy, I like how she says YOU have to "let all this go," but what is she willing to let go? You try to be positive and engaged - certainly she is not, as she is screaming. Screaming crosses the line. It's verbal violence, seems to me, and your views on it all seem quite reasonable to me. Apologies have a somewhat negative connotation if the offense keeps happening, seems to me. It sounds like she's saying the baby is the most important thing - even more important than civil discourse between partners? The demand for one value shouldn't crush another important value, but that's what is happening here. It's a real mismatch. Her terms seem quite unacceptable. If it were me and I accepted her terms, I'd always feel bullied by it, but YMMV. If a person can't stop screaming, they need to grow up, not have a baby!