Thank you both for your kind words and confirmation that it's okay to set boundaries! I grew up with a narcissist father and a martyr mother, so my idea of where boundaries should be is really, really bad. This particular friend in some ways combines traits of both my parents.

I am not sure why I am so bothered by this, but I am. I feel like I am being a coward by not talking with her about it, but it's just not a conversation I want to have.

I like the idea that her behavior leaves no room for friendship. It's not just the talking. I don't really know how to explain it, but she offers me favors I don't want (or accept). I think in her mind, this means we are even if she asks me to do those things for her (which I generally don't).

She doesn't sound like a great person from this description, but she does do a lot of work with an at-risk population. She will give someone in need her last ten dollars. She's often taken advantage of by people with sob stories who drop her when they are done using her for rides to work or loans they never pay back. Sometimes it seems like I am the only person she can 'take' from. I think she's actually mentioned that herself.

I've been tempted to speak with her family, but I've never met them. I think I could find contact info for her daughter or sister, but I would worry that they would report the conversation.