I had intensive therapy for attachment issues. I had long standing SI, but I just need to get my kid out of high school before I could end it all. I didn't trust anyone and did not believe I had any value or worth. I hated myself because of messages way back when,and even now from family of origin. It was easy for me to make friends, but I would back out of friendships because I didn't feel I contributed to the relationships. I also had a few family secrets weighing me down that if told would change the face of our happy family presented to the world.

I found a family therapist, because my child and I were having issues that did not make for a happy home. Luckily, she realized that I was hobbled together only for my child, and there was not a firm foundation. I was shocked when she said she would be available 24/7, except when she was sleeping. At times I used post from this forum — much to the distress of some members — to prove that I was too much, because I shared some of the same thoughts, issues, etc. as other PC folks. She worked out of her home so my driving past was a non issue for her. It helped remind me she was still there even though I could call text or schedule an emergency appt. at anytime. My average appts were 2 1/2 hours, three to four times a week, and then a family session that was exactly an hour. My kid was not giving her one extra second of his time. I chose to tape my sessions. Some of my appts were 4 plus hours. The one thing she always tried to do was put me back together before I left, and with one or two exceptions it worked. In the beginning I would have to go home and sleep long hours like a newborn. There is research out there on the need for sleep. After I shared something from PC with her I scheduled my first cry session on a Saturday. After so many people distrusting there therapy I thought I finally had a person that I could trust.

Therapy was intense and painful. I still had to live everyday life. Many times I felt raw, but because she would hold my hand, hug me, kiss my forehead, etc. I rarely left feeling like my body was left opened up without anesthesia on a surgeons table. I could call whenever I wanted, she always got back to me. She has no cell phone. I became a prolific email writer, more than 1500. I probably had written no more than 30 before that. I prided myself on being a Luddite. I could have as many appts. I wanted per week. Two Decembers ago I saw her everyday for a month to prep for going home for the holidays. It worked. It worked this summer and this Christmas I had the tools to be me — a person that I now believe wholeheartedly has value and worth.

The intensity got me out of therapy in 18 month, not a lifetime like I thought. Three months on my own and I am doing well, even with some major family of origin issues going on. I am grateful for the unnamed stuff that I was suppose to get as an infant, and didn't my therapist freely gave, and the tools that helps me in my life's purpose. I'm still in progress.

I hope you will take your therapist's offer. It is the rare few that gets to experience this, and for some like myself I know it works. Different strokes for different folks. Best wishes to you, IndestructibleGirl.

Also, I want to say, at some point this summer my computer was compromised, and things were attributed to me that had no truth whatsoever.

ETA: One of the first post I took to her was about boundaries. She said there were no boundaries. I told her she was lying. Someone here wrote a lot emails to her therapist in one day and lost that right. I sent 33 emails one day, and she responded. She was not upset with me. She really hated me to be on the forum, because she felt I was using it to not get better. I'm still on vacation so I have a few more days till I checkout again.