I'm sorry for all you losses. Grief can take it's toll on a person and their emotions. I suggest you see the school counselor or a private counselor if your mom is okay with that. Grief is something we have to work through and some people can do it on their own and others need help. I would say at your age you probably need some help with it. Hope you get the help you need. And, of course, keep posting here. It will help get your feels out and start you talking about them.