Watching the snow fall as my tears do as well. I am home on administrative leave from work as my boss was reassigned and his successor asked his admin to relocate to support him and I'm in "limbo" while she decides; found out yesterday she'd decided to accept his offer, which leaves me out of a job. Waiting for them to call me to tell me is much is causing me great anxiety.

I'm sooooo tired of looking for jobs, and now at this age and in this sh!tty economy. I'm overwhelmed at the thought of it and the never-ending financial problems. Now that her decision has been made, the realization that I'm out of a job again has thrown me into a major depression. Last night I'd dreamed about it and today am so bummed I am struggling to get out of bed.

While not suicidal per se, a fatal heart attack would be welcomed. I'm so tired of the futility of life. I don't have much else in my life other than working and I'm a total unmitigated failure at it.