I just don't know what's going on, to be honest. I've had a lot of assessments and doctor's visits recently, and of course the "have you ever harmed yourself?" and "do you have suicidal thoughts?" questions came up. I have never harmed myself in the way most people would think- I scratch myself, bite my arms and fingers, or snap elastics on my wrists hard enough to leave a mark, but have never cut myself. I also don't have the suicidal thoughts most people would expect, either, because I love life and would never want to end mine... the thoughts just pop up out of nowhere and I can't do anything about them. Anyways, since I've never felt like I fit into the large majority of people with the same problems I have, I've never really thought that I had any big problems at all. I would pass them off as little things that didn't matter, thinking "I am in control". Now, though, with all of these people asking me these questions, I'm starting to get really embarrassed and shameful when I tell them. I thought going into it that I had no problems, but now I feel less in control- like something else has been controlling me all this time and I'm just realizing now. I'm not really sure what my question is... "has anyone else had this sort of thing happen?" or "is it normal?" I guess.