You know, sometimes I get these brief moments of clarity or whatever. Moments where I somehow manage to puncture the thick layer or veil of self-absorption and mental illness, and I suddenly and very briefly realise what's important in life: other people.

(This is what triggered that "epiphany" today: .)

Even though I'm a socially anxious introvert who'd rather spend time by myself I really do care about people. I'm rubbish at expressing it, since expressing thoughts and feelings doesn't come naturally to me, but I really do care. I want to help people in some way and, besides it being really interesting, I think that's one of the reasons I'm studying biomedicine. I've always had a hard time with social situations and interacting with people so perhaps being a doctor (M.D.) wouldn't suit me but hopefully, seeing as I'm studying biomedicine, I can spend my life helping people from a research lab or something like that.

My disorders and the fact that they've gotten much worse have made me incredibly self-absorbed and I get stuck in my head on a daily basis. I mean, I just woke up feeling like the world's going to end if I fail my exam on Friday and I'm already just as anxious as I was yesterday night. I believe I'm a good person but I feel selfish and it all makes me feel guilty because I know that I'm not the most important person in the world. I'm just one in seven billion and a lot of people are in worse situations than I am. And yet somehow I can't seem to get past my own problems. They take over my whole world, make me turn inwards (which I've always had a tendency to do anyway) and they make me dysfunctional.

And just like that my moment of clarity has passed.