Hello I could use some advice or input,

I didn't know what I was getting myself into. When my now ex-boyfriend told me he was bipolar I knew he was taking meds and early in our relationship he had started therapy, which i guess he hadn't for a couple of years. I took this as a good sign, thought of it as almost a compliment that he wanted to be better. He wanted to make some goals, to be more accountable and work on making plans in advance.

We met online and he was intense, now I understand the intensity even more (now that I have had time to reflect and research bipolar). It almost seemed like an obbsession (I was his obsession). I got lost with him, it seemed lovely and something that became so much more to me. He wanted pics of me, wanted to talk all the time, text, etc. He really was into it, into me. Even before we met. We would talk for hours. It lasted a few days and he pushed hard to met, saying how excited he was. I was too!

We met and instantly had a connection. We spent every moment we could together over a month together (short but seemed like a lot longer). Now looking back, it probably wasn't super healthy...but I wanted to be with him. He seemed to feel the same. As i said it was intense, and I gave myself no time for reflection. I thought, this is it! This is my man. He has his faults, so do I. But, I saw past them. I saw this beautiful man. Smart, creative, talented, etc...

I started to realize that he couldn't make plans at all, and it usually was something he wanted to do. He told me this all in advance about his struggles with making plans so I let it slide a few times. Knowing that if we ended up in a long-term commited relationship he would need to do better. I also would ask more serious questions about us and he would always somehow make some joke and tip-toe around it. He was really good at avoiding anything too deep, too personal. But when we were intimate, he would let go. I saw his emoition, his feelings for me. The way he would look at me at any moment when we were together, told me he cared. The way he would brush my cheek, my hair, grab my arm or leg like he needed me and couldn't tell me... all told me how he was feeling something with me.

He shared his life with me. I met all his friends, parents, etc. This is all within a month. I took this as a good thing. I wanted to share my family and friends as well, he again was difficult to make these plans with. I see now how one-sided this all seems, how did I get here? How am I going to deal with this? How can I tell him and have the conversation about what we want from eachother? We had no time to spend time with anyone else and had decided not to sleep with anyone else. We both spoke about how sex was not something that we took lightly, it meant something. He also changed his clothes from glasses and all coverd up to no jacket and no hat. He seems like a different person. He says he is feeling super confident, happy, etc...mania?

This is why I'm here on this site.

I found out he had stopped taking his meds, I wondered now if it had to do with him not always being able to perform like he wanted in bed. The side effects of his meds...Even so, we were passionate about eachother.

I wanted to bring up what we wanted from eachother and how it was progressing. I had been asked out on a date and didn't want to go. But, I wanted to tell him I had been asked and if he would care? This is where everything went wrong. He said that now that I brought that up he had met someone in a group setting and there could be "potential" there. OUCH! I told him that I didn't want to see anyone else and that it broke my heart that he was considering it. He put up a wall, said "that does answer your question?"
He then went into that we were just "casually" dating and that he didn't need a commitment. I said that you can't call waht we were doing as casual just because it fits for him to do so right now!

I told him how much I cared about him and cried in his arms. He just sat there, like stone. I could tell that he was taking it all in and he said that he didn't want to say anything, he needed to figure some things out. I cried and tried to kiss him, he didn't kiss me back. saying that he didn't want to confuse me while I was so emotional. He told me he wasn't going anywhere.
My heart was broken and I told him in every way how much I cared about him that night without acutally saying "I love you." I said that I wouldn't wait for him to date this other person, he said he didn't expect me to. I said that I knew he cared about me and that he was trying to ruin it because he was scared. Getting nothing in return, other than comment that almost seemed clinical, non-personal.There are other things about him that are not super appealing, like being on probation for something I won't get into, but I looked past it. Saw a good man, a man that wasn't perfect.

I gave him a few days, we met up. Again, he wouldn't start a conversation. So, I had made the decision that I wanted him to know that I loved him. This was new years day. I didn't want to have any regrets. I wanted him to know that I wanted to be there for him in his ups and downs and that I loved him and this was killing me. I wasn't planning on him being able to say the same, I just wanted him to know. I wanted him to think about what we had and what I was offering him. My heart...all of me.

This was huge for me, for anyone really. I have never been good at vunerability. I have never said I love you to another man before. I told him that it's not because I have never "loved" before, but I just haven't ever needed to say it. He said thank you and that he knew that it was hard for me to say that. He gave me a hug, making a silly voice to lighten the mood. Again, he feels uncomfortable with deep emotions?? He was visually uncomfortable. I had to pry anything out of him. Asking what I did wrong? If he was mad at me? He said no. I asked him that I didn't expect for him to say anything now, but to please let me know when he knew. He said that he couldn't tell me that he loved me, but also couldn't tell me that he didn't.

He asked me then what I was doing later that night and see if we could get together. I wanted to and thought it would be nice to have a less intense conversation and tried to keep it light and tried to keep a smile. All he had seen from me was sadness, so I wanted him to know the fun girl was still there, that he could relax around me again. He sat away from me, not like normal..I dropped him off and we hugged and said see you later. He said some dumb joke and I drove off.

I gave him a few days. It was hard, but I had told him everything i thought I could. What else could I do?

I woke up on a Saturday to see a facebook notification...yeah get ready for it! It was shown in his status that he was in a relationship with said person's name! I would have never thought a grown 30 year old man would think this is ok? My whole world fell apart. I got sick to my stomach from crying so hard. How would any person do this to someone? Especially someone who gave them their heart? I felt like he ran me over and left me for dead. A few days later he wrote: " I thought I should contact you personally, as you may already know, I am no longer single. It would probably be a good idea not to talk anymore, thank you for being so open with me, hope you are well".

He earlier said that he was honest with me, how could this be? Every action, up to one moment he was mine and I was his. Is he really so out there, without his meds that he thinks that this is normal behavior? That this is ok? He knew that I had never said i love you before as well...I know that it was a lot of pressure, but to just turn off everything. Put a wall up and be in a relationship with someone he has known for a week. Nothing like this has ever happen to me before, heartbreak yes...but I am left filling in the blanks. I am left with no answer? He never said I love you or not....he never said sorry, can't take any fault for his role. His answer is running off with someone else, someone else to be obsessed with.

I have gone into therapy, on anti-anxiety pills. It has completley destroyed me. I am trying to be ok with never getting an answer, even a "I'm sorry how I treated you", would be something. I don't know if he will ever do that, if he can even. I would even have been able to deal with an "I used you" or "I just don't love you". But not getting any sort of human response is the hardest thing I have ever hard to go through. He told me he was holding back, but not sure why? How did I get so lost with this man? How did a fairly intelligent person end up here? How much of his mental illness did this?

The only thing that is helping me get out of bed and going to work is that I know that he is not well and that he needs help. Because, how could any normal person react this way? I don'y think I will ever be able to understand him or his true feelings. In part , because I don't think he does.

I've learned that bipolar people love passionately, intensely, and fast. But, have also learned that it can be gone in a second. I will never be the same. I hate that I miss this person who has hurt me so deeply. I feel bad, well not really, for this new woman in his life. Will it be the same? Will he ever feel bad for how he's treated me? I'm left filling in the blanks again, and have learned a lesson from that. Don't fill in the blanks! Ask! Ask for what you want, or move on. I just feel like I had no choice, I was his. Plain and simple.

Thank you for reading, please be kind with your remarks.