Well put. I think this is great advice. What matters here is you and your recovery. I know it's hard but try to remember that, at the end of the day, what others say or think really doesn't matter. This is your journey and you are in the driver's seat; it's up to you whether you are going to be authentic, use coping skills, express yourself honestly and directly, do the hard work of treatment, heal from past hurts, and "graduate" from the residential home you are in and return to your outside life a healthier, happier person.

If you really think about it, the way you are acting out does not hurt K or make K think she was wrong. Instead, it gives her reason to think that she was right all along. If the way K invalidated you was by saying that you are not using the coping mechanisms you have learned (even if you had been), by refusing to eat and then butchering your hair you are giving her ammunition to say "see, just like I said; she's acting out instead of using her coping mechanisms." By playing these kinds of games, you demonstrate that you are regressing into negative behaviors and failing to use healthy, coping skills. It takes away the impact of whatever skills you really were using earlier. If you had said something like: "Actually, I tried skill X and Y, and I'm still having difficulty with these memories/instrusive thoughts/anger"-- maybe you could have gotten more help or learned new skills to use. Of course, the way K approached you was not appropriate. But even when someone else invalidates us or messes up, we can be the "bigger person" and react in a healthy manner. It's incredibly hard and it's totally reasonable that we struggle with this at times-- it's one of those goals we can work towards.

While I don't inherently see anything wrong with getting attention, affection, and support from Ts, counselors, group home workers, etc (like you did from D), I think what your T said may still have some value. It seems, from your experiences with D, Robin, your T, and others that you attach very quickly and feel full of love and support as soon as you get those moments of care from one of these people. But, a day later, your tank seems to be empty again. That love and support is only a temporary fix. Getting that "fix" from someone outside of yourself prevents you from having to develop that internal sense of contentment and having to do the work of making yourself okay. Those of us (myself included) who didn't grow up with parents who loved us and cared for us never learned to develop this, and so we constantly look for it from someone on the outside. But, since that parent figure is never going to exist in any permanent way, we have to find it within ourselves. I think perhaps that is what your T wants you to do. Learn to be enough for yourself, rather than seek it from a perfect maternal figure. After all, no one can really live up to that or be that for us. As has happened before, you've attached to someone... and they've let you down (like Robin). Since it's impossible for anyone to fill all of those needs for us, they will always let us down. It's not even their fault-- it's just the way it is. That's why it's okay to get some of those moments, but we can't rely on them or expect them or use them as a substitute for being "good enough" in and of ourselves. We have to be our own perfect parent.