About 99% of the time, I don't just click with people. I default at either no opinion or an opinion that is already tainted negative because I tend to be very suspicious of everyone and everything. I usually go into things thinking they won't work. Should I fix that mindset? Probably. But I don't trust my own ability to judge someone else. I mean if I did, why would I be posting about LCM all the time? I love her. She makes me feel loved and cared for and puts an ice pack against the pain I feel inside for the loss of the mother I never had. Why would I ruin something like that by questioning whether or not she is just completely blindsiding me and I'm just following her like a lost sheep? Because my actual parents did that to me and I can't trust my own judgement of people anymore. So if I were to interview new T's, I wouldn't be able to trust my intuition. I also don't know of where to find new T's to interview. I'd probably ask LCM to help. And it isn't like TT isn't warm. She's not cold. She's just much more distant than LCM... but that's kinda to be expected because LCM is very involved and very not distant to put it the best I can.

TT doesn't ever talk about her feelings. I don't mean that in a "this needs to be more mutual" way. I just mean that I don't feel comfortable unless I get some sort of emotional feedback. I love when my T's will laugh with me or give me some other indication that they are emotionally invested.

For example, my roommates told me that they are looking for an apartment for 3 for next year. There are 4 of us. They are moving out and leaving me to find somewhere else to live. This hurts less so because of them leaving and more so because my mom told me over and over again that no one would want to live with me once they got to know me and I desperately wanted to prove her wrong for myself. Just so I could have concrete evidence that that isn't true. When I told TT about that, she said "how do you feel about that? What do you think their reasons are for this decision? Why don't you care about their reasons? Having reasons can bring closure". In contrast, I emailed LCM about it and she called me and said "I just had to call you because reading that made me so sad for you. How are you doing? The whole thing about wanting to prove your mother wrong and it didn't work out is just heartbreaking because your mom was so wrong when she said that. I hate to think that you might have anything you could construe as evidence for your mother's abusive behavior being right because she is dead wrong. The fact that she predicted it doesn't at all mean that you are horrible to live with. It just means that maybe they weren't the right roommates and you guys just didn't mesh."

So there is a considerable difference in styles there. I am much closer with LCM so I could understand why she would be more emotionally invested than TT. There is also definite merits to having a more neutral T. I guess the issue is that I might follow by example. When LCM tells me how my story makes her feel, I'm more able to tell her how I feel and I'm less likely to get really academic about it.

I don't know if I could bring this up with TT.

[EDIT] the reasons they aren't living with me also has nothing to do with my personal hygiene before anyone brings that up. It is a decision their parents made that was apparently spearheaded by my own mother who once again lacks the stones to tell me anything. She prefers to just mess with things behind my back and then whips it out to prevent me from having an ability to make a decision. I'm not going to rant about this further because it would never stop.