biiv, thank you that was kind.

Perna, yup I know for non trumatised folk they wouldnt feel the absence so deeply or rather I should say they could contain the feelings better. Funny that just compounds my grief a little more feeling that I am not containing and managing as well as "joe average". Normally I think ahead to T's return, this time I seem unable to do that. I think this is because I'm feeling the absensce at a more deeper level and its demanding my attention. It won't be "hidden" away as much now by promises of T's return. I do have moments where I think "hey I've been ok for the last couple of hours or so" that does amaze me. I am also begining to realise just how much there is in the relationship now. Its not just me there is "her" as well. OH I don't know what I mean, I';m just rambling, shoot me or something