Trigger***

I feel like ****. I broke my coffee maker this morning out of sheer rage and agitation. I hate myself. I'm so angry ask the time. I self harmed this past weekend
I'm so disgusted with myself.
I feel alone and used and abused.
My boyfriend has been extra nasty to me. I have 14 messages of him calling me names and threatening me because I went to my friends house instead of going home.
He was screaming at me on the phone and I just didn't want to argue again. Just wanted to cool off. When I came home he took some of my belongings and a puppy he brought me in Dec. I was loosing my mind all weekend.
I just can't anymore. I can't deal. I'm due to start school again at the end of this month. I feel like I'm not going to keep it together to go! It freak me out. I just want to be productive and finish what I started.
I have been a mess on and off for as long as I can remember. This is the worst and longest stretch of the.
Being with him and dealing with so much crap has left me much worse emotionally.
The lies the verbal abuse the manipulation the cheating just broke me even more.
I can't deal. I just can't deal.
I can't stick up for myself anymore. I feel weak emotionally and physically.
I need to be sedated. I feel out of control.

sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't. (but mostly I Do)