I saw my T yesterday and I talked about how much more helpful it would have been for me if I was told about ADHD and alcoholism. My husband is very "busy and intrusive" but he is not a bad person. It was so hard on me and I did try to get help, I look back and it is upsetting to see how badly I was misunderstood and that how much better I would have been able to manage that tremendous challenge had any one of the therapists I had reached out to "just told me what I was really dealing with".

My therapist has a tremendous amount of experience with and understanding of "addicts and alcoholics". He told me that the majority of the people who struggle and go to AA have ADHD or PTSD or both. I took time to read about ADHD the past few months and its like reading all about my husband who struggles with Compulsive ADHD. My therapist has met my husband and even spent time with him trying to help him understand PTSD. My therapist can definitely see the ADHD in him. My husband has been sober for almost 23 years now, but he still expresses the ADHD mannerisms and it's been hard on me to live with him, because of how he is in constant motion, is impatient, interrupts me or talks over me and needs control and is constantly triggering me even when I try so hard not to be triggered.

And example of how challenging it can be is when we go out in the car and I am driving, he calls every stop sign or light, every turn, go faster, slow down to a point where I just want to scream. If I let him drive then he goes too fast gets too close to the car in front of him, and I am a wreck by the time I get to whatever the destination is. He watches everything I do and has to comment constantly on what I am doing wrong, wrong isn't really wrong, wrong means it just isn't how "he" does it. He has too much stuff and clutters every flat surface, blocks passageways and at this point in time, I just gave up trying to keep up after him and having to move all his stuff to try to dust and clean. Yet, oddly enough if he cleans, he does it fast and can do a great job, but it doesn't last because he begins to clutter again. Ugh.

No, when someone struggles with ADHD and they use alcohol to help them "slow down" and "relax and turn off", it has nothing to do with "loving someone else enough to stop". It would have helped me years ago, as I mentioned, if this was all explained to me as I am learning about it now.

OE