I flunked out of college when I was 21. By "flunked out" I mean I was officially dismissed, which in California means that I banned from going back to any college within the district (this was community college...I'm such a loser I got kicked out and banned from community college! HA! ). My GPA at the time I was kicked out was 0.39. I got a job at Kmart, and then lost it. Then I got a degree from a vocational school for medical billing, but the Doctor I went to work for was Dr. Touchy Feely so I quit that too. By then I had gotten married and had a baby...while living in a motel! Then my husband and I were offered the grand opportunity of running that motel...16 rooms across the street from a liquor store and next door to automotive repair.

While working there I decided that what I REALLY wanted to do was be a librarian (because I'm exciting like that), but I found out it takes a Masters. So I jumped through all sorts of hoops to get readmitted to the college that I had been dismissed from. I was 26 and given a conditional acceptance back, and since I only had a 0.39 GPA, for all intents and purposes I was a freshman. I made it through two years only to have the school screw up and suddenly it was impossible for me to go to ANY California school (despite having completed two years of college with all A's...and one B in Algebra). And I only found out about this technical glitch* after I had been accepted at a 4-year state college, the semester was starting...AND my husband and I and our 3 kids lost our job and home with only 5 days notice (the owners of the motel where we lived and worked decided to sell out and we were literally given 5 days notice to get out). So I was 28, two months from being 29, and suddenly my new college career came to a screeching halt. This was in 2009.

In 2012 I decided to try and explore options to get back to school and finish my stinking degree. Since California (where I live) was out of the picture, I looked at online degrees from other states. I found one in Missouri and signed up. I currently have just over 1 year to go to finish my BS in Computer Information Systems. I am 33 years old, a junior, and will be only a couple months shy of 35 when I finish. AND THEN, I need to get a Masters if I'm going to be a librarian. If I compare myself to my peers, then yes, I am apparently a loser. So I don't do that. If I compare myself to ME, to the limitations I have and the obstacles I face and the place that I have come from, then I have done well....not only well, but if you had access to my brain you would see that what I have accomplished is downright AMAZING. Of course, I feel the same way about the fact that sometimes I get all the dishes done, and that I generally appear to outsiders as a "normal" human. Oh, and my 5 kids have good social skills and appear to be happy! How did that happen? I don't know, but people give me credit for it, so whatever, I'm taking it. Hopefully by the time I'm in my 40's I'll have a good job, will be able to support myself and my family, and the path I took to get there won't matter.

Just saying. Even if you feel like giving up now, eventually you'll be 33, 43, 53, 63. I'm a bit jealous that you are so young and if you get started NOW, you'll be way ahead of me by the time you're my age. And just a head's up here, there's no such thing as getting old. You're body might start to get old, but your brain never does. Being 23 feels like yesterday to me. You only notice your age when *drum roll please** you compare yourself to others. Honestly, if you can break that habit your happiness will actually be able to get a leg up. Not only that, but no matter what you accomplish, other people will try to make you feel like crap...mostly because THEY feel like losers and making other people feel like crap makes them feel better about themselves. Oh, and people lie too. Like all those accomplished and beautiful people on Facebook? Lies, lies, and more lies...even the people who really did accomplish some things, almost all of them feel like they have fallen short of some OTHER gold standard of accomplishment. If you thoroughly understand this particular hot button of human psychology you can quite literally control (or emotionally destroy) just about anyone....

HOWEVER, even given all this...I would suggest not going back to school until you have a very clear idea of WHY you are going. For me, until I had a very clear, concrete goal, there was simply no motivation to finish...and trying to get through some of the general classes, BLARGH....you need to have that clear goal in mind. I didn't get one until I was 26. Without a strong reason for finishing...I swear going to class was torture...have you ever been so bored you swooned into a sort of existential crisis and then felt like you were going to faint? Or is it just me? I mean, I STILL deal with this. I have to take business courses right now and I just want to poke my eyeballs out....BUT, I'm doing it one day at a time, I'll get through it..and in 2015 I'll have my degree

Until then, get a job and just plow ahead one day at a time, try to take your duties to others seriously, be kind to others and to yourself....

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*In order to overcome my low GPA the school counselor offered "Academic Renewal". They told me it would just disregard my old sub-par record when calcluating my GPA. Turns out you lose all the CREDIT from those classes as well. English 101 was one of those classes. I had gotten a C in it and it is the SOLE class that is universally required for every degree in the California school system...there's no substitute options. The school said no problem, just submit a request to reverse the Academic Renewal. Turns out reversing academic renewal is against the law in California. So I said, fine, I'll just retake English 101. Turns out I can't retake it because I already took it and passed. So within the state of California there is no humanly possible way for me to ever get a degree because there is no way for me to get credit for English 101. Amazing. And no one at the community college I went to would help me. Other states are free to ignore the academic renewal though, so I am now getting an online degree from Columbia College of Missouri.