I know she probably wont read this but she wouldn't call me and I don't think it is right to just dump it on her with no warning

I was hoping you would return my crazy call and I was going to tell you then. but its ok I guess calls are off limits now also ..I just didn't want to just drop this on you .I don't know why I guess I want to think it would matter. Or the right thing to do . I will be coming on Tuesday if you will see me but to terminate . I didn't want to just come there and say ok I'm gone .I owe you more then that . at least I hope you feel that way because I did start to feel somewhat connected to . probably why this has happened. I have set up meetings with a few therapists and I hope one will be willing to work with me (its ok to feel sorry or them I sure do) i hope I can do better .I'll try. one on wednsday and one on Thursday. and im waiting on two others. it would be nice if you could be a little hopeful for me

I don't know how much of this I can say when I get there .as I know this session will be so so hard for me (I know all about me again) but I just feel I cant do what you want me to do. not on my own,not with out help. hell I didn't even really understand what you wanted from me . I have such a hard time opening up or even being able to talk at times (like Tuesday) I think you just wanted me to talk and when I couldn't you would sit there and get so so angry at me and I know you don't believe this but I needed help and I know that seems to be a boundary you have and couldn't help me. it just wasn't going to ever work .I was having a hard time saying anything and you felt I could and couldn't help me . I need to respect that but it just was not going to work.it never was so clear to me then on Tuesday. the week before I told you one of the most disgusting secretes I had .one that took me 4 years to be able to even speak. last Tuesday you didn't even remember you had a session with me the week before . never mind what I said . you started the session with "so it has been a few weeks sense we have met " it was so so devastating for me to even walk into that room knowing what I said. Iit disgusting and I don't blame you at all I really don't. but when you told me at the end of the session if I want to discuss something I was going to have to bring it up I knew it was not something I was ever going to be able to do .I thought you were always going to help me . but **** all these stupid misunderstandings really mess with my head . I hope for thing that I know cant happen .I am so so sorry.

I don't want to be all doom and gloom Tuesday you helped me also .it hasn't been bad .if I was not so resistant and difficult to deal with maybe things would have worked.i guess I gust don't have any idea how the heck to do therapy . I hope one of these new people can help me figure that out. you did one amazing thing though. you have made it easier when I was seeing you to say no to the mother . that was not easy and with your help I have done it a few time .maybe even more .

if you read this thank you and ill see you tuesday