I know Hun... Wish I could say more to help but here are some jumbo sized hugs

I really hope one of the new T's works for you.

Just remember you are doing the right thing for you... You are taking care of yourself. It is terrifying but hopefully on the other side of the terror there is help waiting.

I had a similar experience with a T I just couldn't talk to. Years later I am doing much better with one who asks the right questions and encourages me to talk. I am almost never tongue tied now.