Quote:
Originally Posted by hvert
Can you get back in touch with the people who were providing the CBT and maybe get a refresher? Just from your description, you actually sound like a hard, intelligent worker -- you're obviously very conscientious about getting things right and how you spend your time.
I am now in my mid-30s, but when I was in my late 20s, I was in a similar position. Like you, I had always done well in school and work. I wanted to do something more fulfilling but was scared of leaving the money.
My situation was slightly different. I left a large company where I was a superstar for a position working for an abusive boss in a very small company. I was okay at the work but constantly scapegoated. I was responsible for quality control on a product which was produced by people who were incapable of quality production. As I was blamed for missing defects, I started to make more mistakes. I started to get lazy about doing my work. By the time I left that company, I was wholly unmotivated and felt stupid and generally bad about myself.
It sounds like you are in a much better position with superiors who like you and appreciate the work you do. I can't offer anything about how not to feel like a fraud, but you aren't alone in feeling that way. I see people who have less experience in certain areas than I do proclaiming themselves as experts, yet I can't do that myself.
I tried a few things to make up for feeling lousy about my job situation. I started a graduate program at the local university. If your company has any sort of tuition reimbursement, take them up on it, if you can.
I also started to explore some lifelong interests that I had always set aside in favor of more practical goals. You may not have the time, but you do have the money to explore those things you've always thought of doing 'someday.'
I eventually saved up enough money to take a year off (but still pay my mortgage). It was the best thing I ever did. It completely changed the way I view my life and the way I work. I went back to being a superstar at my next job... which I also quit, in favor of finally working for myself. I worry so much less now than I did before. The relief is overwhelming.
You might like Barbara Sher's books about 'seekers,' people who feel like they are interested in everything or whose interests change every six months.
|
Thank you very much Hvert, happy to see I am not the only one who has dealt with these feelings. I am going to the doctors to get a referral back in CBT, I know it will help.
At the end of the day, I think the job has just beaten me up. I'll get that Barbara Sher book it sounds interesting and it seems like a lot of people found it useful.
Like I said, I feel my bosses like me because I'm a nice guy, I speak well in meetings and present things in a good way. I put out a good image. But, sometimes I feel like I am just that, a good image cause I know my full potential isn't being reached. I see what you are saying though, 4 years ago I was motivated to try new things at work, learn and improve... Now I feel stupid, unmotivated and pathetic.
The main issue is moving jobs where I am isn't easy, I can probably move up, but I don't feel like move up, I feel like moving out!
I'll be honest, I'm currently in the public sector and I'm wondering if maybe it just isn't my place. One thing do know, when everyone says public sector jobs are relaxed and there is no stress, that certainly isn't the case where I am. It's been more pressure than my private sector job from day 1.
Anyways thanks again Hvert, you raise some really good points and it is nice to hear your experience and your journey to finding relief. All that you've said certainly gives me hope that I can make things better.