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*Having experienced different kinds of sexual abuse, I've come to the conclusion that for ME, abuse by a pedophile was the worse.
It is something that most people don't understand -especially when the abuse starts when you are 12 and continues until you are 15. The "words", "I raised you better still ring in my ears... and I want to say back to my Mom, "Oh yes you did raise me better, you allowed be to be set-up to be a prime target. " "The physical and sexual abuse that you allowed in my early childhood.. just made it a nautral lead in for him for him to take both my body and soul."

In my experience, pedophiles add seduction to their sexual abuse. It is a specialized kind of abuse that "seduction". If you are very sweet natured, gulible 12 year old, I can tell you it is a rape of the soul, as well as, your body. It set a brand on me forever. I spent a year without speaking, the shock so great. I spoke only at home and only when spoken too so great the pain.

The body heals, the soul never does. My quest to be numb doesn't work anymore. I fit nowhere, not even with other sexual abuse victums. This person that took my soul was a professional pedofile.. one that knew exactly what he was doing...In the end, you find that your pain means absolutely nothing - you but a name on a long list of an offender's.
I call him "my pedophile" denoting an ownership that in the end, isn't really true cause he is other's pedophile too.

So again, I ask people on this board - is there a way to get numb and stay numb - never to feel pain again?
My ED is not doing this for me anymore..