No one has ever told me that I was not in control of my own destiny. It's never even been implied.

Not being allowed to choose when and how you die? That applies to everyone and not just people with mental illness. They also do not want people with physical disabilities to kill themselves.

In the psychiatric ward, their main job is to ensure that people do not kill and hurt themselves. That's their job. That's why people go there - to have someone to help them not hurt or kill themselves (even if they didn't particularly choose to go there for help).

No one is locked up. Snake-oil treatments are very different from medication - there's always some trial an error with meds because everyone's bodies are a bit different, but medication is clinically proven to help.

But even the best medication won't help if the person taking the medication doesn't want to be taking them, or doesn't work towards making behavioural or life-style changes. It's why so many people who take the "I'm sick, I can't ever change that" route end up becoming more their diagnosis than not, because they feel doomed and then live up to the stereotypes of the diagnosis.

I know that you had a bad experience, and that sucks. You unfortunately won the opposite of the lottery - you had a bad set of doctors combined with a lot of ignorance/misconceptions on your end. That's a lot to work with before you can even work with what your disorders are.

But deciding your life is hopeless because you can't change the past is definitely not helping you. It didn't help me either. It took me deciding "Eff this, I'm going to beat this damn thing and I'm going to prove that I am NOT the product of my family". And that's kept me motivated. I don't want to be beat by depression and when I have thoughts that are really bad I tend to tell my brain to eff off because that's not really me. When I feel hopeless I point out to myself all the things that I've worked to do that have gone beyond what I thought was possible when I was a kid.

Do you notice how I did that without really even having to accept who I am? I just decided that the REST of the world wasn't going to result in me dying. I was going to be in charge of me dying. Right now, you're letting the rest of the world decide your fate. So of course you would feel hopeless!

I hope that you can remind yourself of the progress you've been making lately.