It's ok to wish you could cancel I understand that feeling all too well. Especially when you're conflicted and know it would be best to go to the session. It doesn't change that instinctual response of wanting to push the T away after you've felt hurt by them or are worried about what comes next. It's a tough spot to be in. I tell my T about it sometimes - how I was seriously considering canceling the appt. Sometimes talking about it helps.