Thanks for the replies. I have told my wife a million times that if the soiling problem was medical I don't have a big problem with it. The fact that refuses to clean himself afterwards is where my problem lies.

He knows that it isn't proper for me to use the toilet and not spray and close the door when i'm done, so he knows what he should do for himself.

I love this boy and want him to have a great life. I'm afraid if this continues that his life may not be so great. As for my wife not making an effort it is only the part of making him clean himself up or face some kind of consequences where I think the effort is lacking.

Thanks again for the replies