(((Mowtown))),

I am sorry that when you struggled and reached out for help you didn't get the help you needed, may have even had people be "mean" to you.

I can really "relate" and a lot of my therapy has been to help me work through all the "bad" therapy I had. Mowtown, every time I was really struggling and tried to reach out for help, I was failed badly, and yes, even mistreated and misdiagnosed.

However, you need to understand that in just the past 10 years so much more has been learned about "mental illness" and even some of the different brain challenges like ADHD, Dyslexia just to name a few that can lead to someone struggling and developing other challenges because they were mistreated or just didn't understand "why" they struggled more than others somehow.

The other thing you need to understand is that for a while treatment by drugs became more important than "therapy" too. Now, more than ever, we are beginning to understand that "therapy" really "is" important and can be "more" beneficial than drug treatment.

I can see how you have been struggling "up and down" and I can see how you have these waves of memories come forward that bring on such depressive emotions too. I have been through that many times myself too. I am sorry Mowtown, because I know how challenging it is first hand.

No, you cannot erase what has happened to you in your life either. But you can finally "grieve it" and work through it all and get to a point where the memories are still there but these episodes that you are experiencing now, get weaker and weaker. And part of your fear of "some kind of rejection", is really coming from your past and not as much of a "present threat" as you think. What has brought on that "present" complication has been the "bad" therapy, but that is a "lack" in the treatment providers, part of our broken system that challenges so many people, not just you Mowtown. This is something that is being discussed more and more overall now, it isn't just "you" that has struggled believe me. Actually, we are just on the verge of working on making "changes" to address this problem because so many people have been struggling.

((Mowtown)), we really have been learning a lot when it comes to the challenge that you and I and so many other struggle with. We are gaining a lot of momentum in our understanding of the brain and how to help people like you and me overcome this PTSD challenge.

You had a good weekend, so you do have good days, your goal is to learn how to "increase" these good days and weaken that bad, and that takes time and patience. I am sorry you are struggling this way, but you are "gaining" even though it is discouraging when you have these low days. You have to keep paying attention to lengthening the good days.

(((Caring Hugs)))
OE