I have an ongoing problem with my wife of 26 years and while I am uncertain how to proceed, I think I know what I have to do. She is and has been a closet drinker, very easily lies to my face about drinking, getting worse. She has bever been an open person, and getting her to honestly talk is nearly impossible.

Her actions seem planned to specifically to disrupt anything special in my life: friends coming, long planned trips, business success, returning home after a long trip-and yesterday, for my 60th birthday. Passed out at 8p-denying drinking the whole time.

I cannot live with someone who lies so easily, despite all the history and affection I have for her. I am finally coming to that sad place. She refuses--adamantly-- to seek counseling or treatment. I am ready to either leave myself or see her out, in the partial hope that it may finally awaken her to the zero sum nature of the situation.

I am starting counseling for myself on the 4th, long overdue. It is a very sad thing, made more so by the fact that I should have pulled the plug long ago-and that she will probably end up killing herself one way or the other. That this happens around the holidays is even worse. I've never posted anything on this before, and I apologize for dumping it on perfect strangers. But some insight would be appreciated. If there is anyone has gone through this before--and come out on the other side--that could provide some hope.

My travel and adventure days are far from over. There are still few islands I've not seen, an ocean or two yet to be sailed. My professional life as a political consultant will continue, and I'll pack up my large house and cats make the big move to California. My life will go on. It will just be very strange to be doing it all solo-and there is the wistful side that wishes I had done so when I was 40 instead of 60.

My thanks.