I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and you sound a lot like me. I engage in conversations frequently throughout the day but I am constantly monitoring myself and other people's reactions to my statements throughout conversations. I am so focused on thinking of what to say that I don't even live in the moment. This has resulted in a lot of loneliness and depression... I know how you feel bro, it hurts horribly... Life is f*ckin' brutal at times.

I too cannot open up to people. I am an emotionless person and I honestly feel as though my "real self" is buried so deep down inside of me that I'll never be able to bring it out. It's very depressing to think about but it's inevitable to think such things in the healing process. Just remember brotha, ANYONE can significantly improve their life. It's all about self-honesty and trying to understand exactly the changes in your lifestyle you have to make in order to be happy.

If you're like me, chances are you'll have fear and doubt... but this is all trickery in your mind. You must realize that if you push yourself and never give up, you WILL be successful in achieving happiness. I understand the pain you've been through... believe me... I know how badly loneliness hurts. I always seem to drive people away. However I'm trying to change that, and so can you! I found that by identifying my social inhibitions (i.e. the exact things that limit my interaction in social situations) I can start to lower them gradually... resulting in a better state of mind... a more "true" state of mind.

I, along with everyone else, am here for you bro...

Don't f*ckin give up man... I mean it...
-clarity

P.S.
See one of my earlier posts and maybe we have some similarities?

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...5&o=31&fpart=1