I broke, I cried, I cried again......I sobbed alone late at night and I hated it. I could barely stand myself for it, I was overwhelmed by fear of so many things and I sobbed. Not just cried....great big gasping, snotty nosed, dripping faced sobbing. and I despised myself for it....I felt so bad to be crying that I realised I was kicking myself soo hard until the pain from that was able to stop the crying.

This is new behaviour, the kicking. I probably ought to talk about it to my T, but other stuff came out first and the session was over in a flash.

I came away thinking.......I just need to try harder, stop being so helpless and sort myself out. I'm trying. Crying and giving in to self pity and wishing I had someone to care for me is pointless because there is noone and that is not goign to happen. I just have to do it. I just have to do it...myself.

Thankyou all for you thoughtful feedback, I do appreciate it....and thanks for letting me offload.