I guess I was looking for ideas to how other people balance needs, so I could relate it to my own. For example, I sort of have a "special" diet…somewhere between vegetarian and vegan and I feel badly that that means when I go to someone's house for dinner or go out to eat that the choices are severely limited. I mean, I think I ruined my Dad's birthday dinner because we went to a Thai place with vegetarian options rather than a steakhouse where I'd either have to get really creative with a salad option or not eat anything at all.

Are there no restaurants that serve pasta dishes as well as carnivorous ones? Maybe a buffet type restaurant would be a better option in the future, I doubt that you either go vegetarioan or go home at EVERY restaurant, there must be a compromise. Or maybe your food & beverage industry just really sucks there.

I just don't think it's fair that my diet accidentally affects other people's diets…

Sometimes its not even about accidental unfairness, sometimes its just preference and we make compromises daily to accommodate eachother's preferences. So please don't feel bad for having legitimate reasons for a specific diet. It just isn't rational.

And the other big issue—my problems with touch—it's not like I don't want to be touched at all ever, it's just that I'd have to be eased into it because touch wasn't how affection was shown to me. I don't associate the two like a normal person does. How is that fair to someone else?
When someone likes you, really likes you and they are interested in persuing a meaningful relationship with you. The thought process isn't "Life is so unfair because my gf is a virgin!" or "my life really sucks because my gf is uncomfortable with spontaneous touch" ... nope. That doesn't happen, not even close. Because the person is investing in us and they are interested in helping us grow, and are willing to help us over the hurdles.

When they can just date nearly anyone else who doesn't have a problem with touch…
If he's interested in you, his interest isn't based on whether or not you like touch, so why on Earth would he seek someone else out BASED on your disinterest?

I mean, I don't even know how to explain the problem. It's not like anyone who wants to show affection that way is going to stick around long enough for me to explain why I seem "physically distant" on a date.

This I actually have no comment on. In my culture we don't do the whole casual dating thing. Here we meet, become friends, date exclusively (its generally non-negotiable) and then get married or break up. I would never go to dinner with a virtual stranger and idk anyone who would. My bf and I started out as HS friends and he accepted me and all the bullshyt that is my baggage long before romance was even put on the table. Friends first would be a good way for him to know before hand about your aversion to touch...

Example: The guy I've liked since the Fall prefers expressing affection in a physical manner, but when we went out on a date he gave me enough space to feel safe. I'm sure he left feeling that he wanted someone he could touch and I would appear to be the opposite of that.

You are making assumptions based on nothing except your own fears and low opinion of yourself. Unless he's actually said he thought it a better idea to seek out a touch friendly woman, then this thought is null and void. Any number of things could've happened, none of which you know. You only assume and speculate and you CANNOT make future decisions or form opinions based on that.

It's too bad; there are few guys that I would feel safe alone with and he would be one of them. But I've probably already burned that bridge.
Idk, have you? Sometimes life just gets in the way and its not something we've done personally

What I really want to know is when am I asking too much?
You are asking too much when A: The person doesn't have that to offer, and B: When all you DO is ask but offer nothing in return.
How do you know if you're in boat A? Communication. Communication. Communication.

And how do you ask for something like physical space and being taught how to show affection? It would pretty much have to come up on the first date because they're never going to go on the second date with you anyway because you weren't touchy-feely enough.
Again, I can't really comment because our dating culture is different. By the time a guy is my bf he knows a lot more than my last name. Friends first.

I'm not talking anything suggestive either, just hugs and holding hands and such. I gathered as much yes, my niece is not the huggy type, her bf is... but they compromise. They hug upon greetings, but no cuddly stuff. Although hugs and cuddles are acceptable when you're sad and need them. That's the exception to the rule. Relationships are about blending 2 seperate WHOLE lives, so compromise is a given. If neither is prepared to and everything goes in favour of 1 partner, then your ship is bound to sink. Fast.


What if I want to be there when needed but I can't, either physically or emotionally?

Atm you don't even know what this would entail, so you don't know that it would be an issue at all. Your future bf may not want comforting hugs, what if he's like my bf and hides in his man cave for days? And in the event that you want to be there in a way that he needs but makes you uneasy, then you will learn how in time. I didn't know first hand to leave bf to his cave. Instead I bombarded him with lovey dovey stuff that he had no energy for. It is with communication that I have learned what he needs, and with practice that I have learned how to provide it.

And do people really not care if someone they're paired with has more needs than them? No. People don't enter into relationships comparing flaws and shortcomings to see if their scale of neediness matches. Atleast no sane and healthy person does.

Doesn't that lead to resentment? Especially if you can't fulfill all of their needs.