I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. With touch, it's not that I have an aversion to it, it's more like it's a foreign language -- I've picked up a few words here and there, but forget about having a conversation with me. I've got Asperger's and alexithymia, so the entire emotional realm is the same way for me. But not being able to communicate how I feel doesn't mean I don't feel, the same as not being able to glean how another person feels without them coming out and telling me in direct terms doesn't mean I don't care how they feel. So my own emotional needs go unmet because I don't know how to communicate them; the other person's emotional needs go unmet because I'm unaware of them or don't know how to address them without being told; and we both end up mad at each other. That is, of course, unless we both understand each other and are open about our needs and our emotions.

You speak of balance and fairness and debt as if you can apply some kind of accounting formula to your relationship. I've learned the hard way that you can't approach relationships that way. In this regard, the answer to your original question, "How do you keep a relationship balanced?" is "You can't." Relationships are about learning and growing and understanding and giving accepting and support and respect. And communication. Always communication and much of it. And all of those things are constantly working both ways, and it's never in complete balance. It would be boring if it was. You worry that you need too much, and that's just not true. You need what you need. Everyone's needs are different.

It isn't a math problem. You can't make it balance. But, with communication and openness and willingness, you can make it work. And that's much better, in my opinion at least. Something in balance is static at best. Balance must be maintained; if it's not, the whole thing topples over. Something that is working, on the other hand, is dynamic. It moves and reacts and changes. It's almost hardly ever in perfect balance. But that is its very strength.