Noelle,

First off thank you so much for your response!! It really means a lot to me. I've also been in therapy for about 20+ years but was also self-medicating at the time. So, this is really the first time and so very RAW.

How awful that you aren't able to ger the Dr and meds you need!!! Have you tried any state or federal assistant programs or disability? If my ssdi didn't go thru I'm not sure what I'd do as my meds were about $1k a month ans the pdoc visit was about $300. Being mentally ill also put me at a high risk and my insurance was aroud $300 a month. It is wrong and makes me so mad.

Thank you for reminding me to be good to myself; it's very hard to do bc I have survivors guilt. My pdoc said for my Major Depressive Disorder to exercise, stay sober, and volunteer. I also read a lot. For volunteering I go to AA meetings at the Women's jail once a week. It really puts things into perspective; I'm reminded of where I'll end up if I lose my sobriety and of all my blessings. I'm trying to lose the weight I gained when I got sober as it makes me more depressed. Us addicts are good at switching addictions, and I gave myself a "free pass" on junk food lol.

Thank you again for your reply and I will be thinking of you and hope your PTSD gets better and you find medical assistance.

tnt