It's been awhile since I commented on this thread because I didn't want to sounds like an emotional @$$. I have been on an emotional roller coaster with this man & after weeks of hearing him tell dog to shut up, throwing her into the hall by her collar, telling me to shut up b/c I was singing & telling my son to move instead of excuse me & when I asked him not to do that he said he's a grown man & will do what he wants...I asked him to leave by this Mon. He's leaving on Sun. He's asked me to move to Fl with him but I said no. Of course he said that I don't love him & never did & brought up my past mistakes to make me feel guilty. However when I asked him about his infedelities & that's why I have not trusted him, he refused to take any accountability & blamed me for "pushing him" to do those things.
I have mixed emotions but with therapy & various readings, I've realized he's been emotionally blackmailing me to get what he wants & for him not give me what I deserve. I read a quote that sums up my whole relationship with him.
I've been normalizing his bad behavior. I've been in a relationship that doesn't exist.
"
In a good, healthy relationship, when you ‘win’, they ‘win’, and vice versa.
That’s not because you’ve merged and become co-dependent, but because you’re still individual enough to revel in the greater good of each others successes but also share the difficulties when things don’t go so well. You’re on the team, but you won’t assume too much and become complacent – you’ll make sure you’re both on board and nurture one another.
In a poor, dubious relationship with little or no boundaries, when they ‘win’, you lose.
There’s no two ways about it – people who are in dubious relationships with little or foundations and boundaries, will basically find that a lot of stuff gets done at their expense. If they want to stay on the team, they have to
normalise bad behaviour and have little or no
boundaries for it to work.
If you’re with someone who is happier than a pig in ***** being a poor partner for
any relationship, not just with you, it suggests that you need to get out and stop trying to turn a pigs ear into a silk purse. Even when you don’t have another person to be a team mate, you still have to be your own best buddy and act in the best interests of Team You, even in the face of uncomfortable, but necessary decisions."
Understanding the selfish person mentality in a relationship | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue
Each day I fogive myself for allowing this man to penetrate my life, world & break my boundaries. I thought it was love but it was always one sided. I gave too much & he gave very little. To this day my bed frame is not put up because he has used every excuse not to help me do it but yet he sleeps on my mattress, which has been on the floor since July every day. Yet when he has needed something, I have given because that's what partnership is to me.
I've finally let it go & I'm looking forward to loving myself more & raising my son to be a responsible man.