i just cant get a grip with this, when i feel good i feel like i got it all under control that this is all in my head that i just want something to hold on to and i am a poser then i eat and tell myself im fine then i lose control and feel like well i did that so why not just go all the way and next thing i know i am painfully full and horrified at how many calorie i just consumed. then with in seconds i say to my self quick fix just get it out and out it goes i have a technic. i wonder if and when someone will fined out or ill get caught its a big fear of mine. then i say **** your messed up and i realize that i have a problem and say well its all out now lets start over and just be normal. and i believe it. still i struggle with the thought "do i have a eating disorder?" duh.....