But they must have learned it somewhere and I feel like such a total loser for being so clueless that I needed to text a friend asking what to write on job applications or how to even just ask the person working the front desk for an app when I've walked into places in person. And I feel even worse filling out the application because I literally have nothing to put down. Most people my age aren't THAT clueless and inexperienced.

I guess I was probably deprived of learning anything because my mother did everything for me and the only way I got to experience mastering my environment was in music. Thank god I experienced it somewhere though. Considering that my self image is completely unbelievably awful as it is, I can't imagine what it would be like if I literally didn't think I had anything of value to contribute.

I don't know. I'm scared and I feel like a total failure that is going to fulfill all of my mother's negative predictions. She told me that my roommates wouldn't want to live with me after they got to know me. She was right and I so badly needed to prove her wrong not for her but for myself. Just so I could look back on things she said about me that were hurtful and have a concrete that she was wrong but I couldn't do it and they left me as predicted. She also told me that I'll never be able to get a job or be a "contributing member of society" or find a man to love me and I'll end up homeless on somebody's couch or behind a dumpster and she's going to end up 100% right if something doesn't turn around soon and I don't even know where to begin fixing it. I just want to run to LCM and away from life. Everything is moving too fast.