The problem is that my entire self worth is wrapped up in music. Which kinda creates an interesting situation because I'm someone who has very limited performance anxiety and I have very little trouble standing up and playing for people. Lots of people if not most people struggle much more with that than I do. But I have tons of social anxiety because I feel like when I play, I know people will like it or at least appreciate it but when I take the horn away, I'm scared that there is nothing there.

Musically? I'm marketing myself quite well for my age. I would be doing slightly better if I had managed to pull together that wedding band so I could be more easily marketable to playing for wedding parties. Right now, I can really only play the wedding service because wedding services tend to be very heavy on classical music and I worked on piccolo trumpet quite a bit specifically for that purpose. But I don't know anyone my age who is doing much better. If I actually managed to get a brass quintet running, that would help but the problem is finding really committed players. I always lose the other trumpet player and/or the trombonist because they are more interested in getting paid than taking the time to actually rehearse and build a group worth hiring. But someday I'll find people who are actually interested in doing that.