Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
As a result of how you were raised. Remember that things can change; healing can occur.
What you have been saying about your playing skills and marketing and getting an ensemble together has been really impressive. I think that in some ways you are like a vault: talents that were stored away in self-defense are gradually seeing the light of day and becoming accessible.  |
That's because I know that I know what I'm doing musically fairly well and I know I have some positive things to offer because I've gotten lots of positive feedback. I also feel like I live my musical life with intention as opposed to just guessing. I make lots of mistakes in decisions in my musical career but at least I have a strong enough hold on the situation that I feel like my mistakes aren't permanent. I can think of possible ways to get myself out. But
everything else in life might as well be in Chinese because I have no confidence in my ability to figure it out and I don't even know where to start. That's why I've recently been looking at jobs that aren't performance based or require any musical skill, but still work in the general area like working at a music store or ushering at a concert hall. I have better connections in that world, I feel more comfortable in that situation, and it would be real work experience working in a retail or just customer service setting that I could use on an application for a job working as a cashier at a grocery store or something if it came up that I needed to do that. So I'm trying to bridge the gap but even just doing that is hard for me to follow or believe I can do it.