I am trying my hardest, to help myself for me, because I want more time to be with this girl I really really like and we've been friends since summer. I would hate asking people or friends to do this, but if it's sooner than later. I need my friends to be around me, and this girl to lay on my bed with me and make sure I am ok, not cry or get scared. I just want her to comfort me through this, I really need this type of emotional help, because it's too much and being told off like I am dirt all the time when they don't know what they are talking bout and I already experienced it a lot of times to confirm if something isn't going to happen nothing will even after I die. Seriously think bout it people, my friends have all this time and I don't know how much I got left for how little right now, and everyone is acting so stupid. I am not being paranoid like they are saying, I am still suffering my symptoms all the time. Definitely getting worse, earlier and now I am not able to sleep because of pain, but yesterday the tremors were awful. My head pulsates alot in throbbing feeling and no one has answers. No doctor, therapist, specialist, parent, friend anyone can comfort me with anything, because they won't know until I pass out dead one day from this like recently. Then they act all confused why I died and then make something out of it. That's the type of crap I see everywhere, it's lack of any responsibility, and all I am doing is keeping myself sane and healthy as possible. I exercise when I am able enough and when I am not I rest. I eat healthy foods, wasn't much of a drug user, so I quit smoking weed, cigs, going to get messed up at parties, and getting away from bad people who enabled to a short time of hard drug use. The drugs didn't cause my symptoms just hastened the current ones and degenerate faster. I keep saying this, and I still get ignored. I finally got a freaking testing of asking questions for clinical trials next week, so finally. I just want to go out and do what I please to do, before being told you are going to die this amount so and so... I am not going to spend the rest of my days in a house alone waiting to get something done. I seriously don't know. I feel like my life was wasted with the abuse I went through all my life to be told you are going to die and me knowing I was born in this hell hole and I will die in it too. Where is the honor of any of this? seriously