I'm completely flat. My face is like a mask. This is fine if you're a soldier or policeman, but it's not much use for socialising - which is probably one reason why I don't socialise at all.

I am not unhappy with this, because behind the mask my mind is in complete turmoil - and to convey this message to everyday people I may meet would cause problems.

Another advantage of the flat effect is that it makes you look incredibly young - a bit like botox.

I know there is no cure for me - but inside my head there are lots of weird things happening at any given time, so I am never bored. I have conversations with the multitude of characters who seem to have taken up residence in my mind, so I am never lonely.

Some people say I'm a poor, sad person. But the opposite is true - although I do suffer terrible mood swings and delusions.

I never feel guilty about anything, as it serves no purpose - although I am remorseful for any of my wrongdoings.

When someone I know dies, I do not feel emotionally upset, at least in any normal sense - but I certainly do appreciate the tragedy of their passing.

I guess to some people I might seem a bit cold, but in fact I have an inner warmth which few could detect.

One of the consequences of having been born with Schizoaffective Disorder is that there is this enormous "disconnect" with other people. My use of verbal language is okay, but it's the body language which I cannot manage- that indefinable magic between two people that puts them at ease with one another, and allows them to become friends. No pills can cure that - so I'm stuck with it.

Do I want to live to a ripe old age? Yes.

Why? Because that is my right, and I have my place in the world - same as everybody else.

I actually have absolutely no idea of who I am and what is going on - but I owe it to myself to at least stay the course and find out what the future holds for me.