yes you do deserve kindness, i hope and pray you can get over this hurdle in your life. i learned in my life people took advantage of me because i let them. i was too afraid to stick up for myself because i didn't want to have no friends, needless to say, i was a wreck after being abused from them for soo long. i ended up in the hospital, got the help i needed and today i can say it was the best thing that ever happened to me. ive learned new coping skills, still learning them too. as for dying, its not in our time but gods time.