Quote:
Originally Posted by Raging Quiet
I've been reflecting on my therapy over the years, I think mine has failed because mine and T's boundaries were blurred.
My t has;
- given me gifts and free sessions and accepted gifts from me.
- my sessions go over by 15/20 mins (sometimes more)
- she wanted me to teach her how to do a sport.
- she went on holiday and forgot to tell me (luckily I asked)
- she's a body psychotherapist so she touches and massages me (some bodies like BACP don't believe in touching AT all)
- she's told me she doesn't keep any notes for me.
- She sees my best friend for therapy also (against her accrediting body rules)
- telling me details about her family and neighbours
- she's raised her voice and hit a wall in frustration 
- tells me her opinions (I'm selfish, should see a shaman? Shouldn't have IVF and just adopt as 'plenty of children out there', melodramatic, she didn't believe my Sui thoughts)
- when I blacked out in her office she made me food (that was a kind thing)
It makes me feel my t has a connection with me, when she doesn't.
Has your t crossed boundaries? |
I can see where some of those are concerning, but therapy is so individual I won't be the one to judge you: what works, works, what doesn't needs fixing.
What I did want to say was no where on that list or from your prior posts did I get the impression your therapist doesn't have a connection to you: I think the exact opposite, from your writings, the connection is clear and present. Are you feeling hurt and so denying the connection? Did something recently go wrong? Did she deny a connection?
As for my therapist, if you call a free session boundary crossing, well, I have had two free sessions about a week ago actually due to a very specific circumstance where she waived her fee. I wouldn't be comfortable with a lot of that, it's important to maintain our relationship, but waving those two fees in context, was extremely powerful and affirming: I told her, truthfully, it was more beneficial to me to know she cared enough to do it, than to actually do it. Accepting gifts like that is tremendously hard for me, so... I took them with gratitude and found it very healing. Definitely a very rare exception to the rule, I've paid for perhaps 200 sessions, so 1% of them were free.
My therapist has also briefly and with little detail discussed family affairs with me: she seems to understand how important it is to me to see her as a rounded person, the opposite of the blank slate/Freudian approach I was last subjected to and which didn't help me a bit. She's done that in specific contexts to help relate to me, not ever to vent or fill her own needs. That's an area where she does not ever cross the line: I always know with her that we're there for me, she's crystal clear on that one. She has occasionally mentioned worrisome things, like her car breaking down, but only to explain lateness or something like that.