I didn't know about Ed until perhaps 4 months ago. Now I have come to think of Ed as a many-tentacled squid that has latched itself onto me refusing to let go. I am forced to recall my days as a teen when I would binge and purge, only to be replaced eventually by my drinking. I became an alcoholic. Fast-forward several years. My eating was never very good throughout this period. I was always very picky, very restrictive (even as a small child). At one point in my early 30's, I discovered that rigorous exercise was a good way to cut back on my drinking, which had begun to take over my life, and also to lose weight! I became fanatical about it. My diet also changed drastically. People were amazed at how many sizes I shrunk. I felt powerful! Alas, alcohol, took hold again for a few years, and I stopped exercising, but I never forgot how to starve myself. I drank, and I forgot to eat. Then, 2 years ago, I discovered AA, and became sober. The Ed inside me raged and tormented me with his constant harping and name-calling. No longer able to drown out his voice with alcohol, I now had to listen to him, and obey every word. During this period, I was the worst that I had ever been - all of my mental illnesses reared their ugly faces like trapped souls in some netherworld. I began to realize that being sober and going to AA was not fixing me. After spending a few months in a mental institution, I was finally diagnosed with an Eating Disorder NOS. At last. Some more of the puzzle pieces had fallen into place. I am now on the waiting list for the residential treatment program at the best institution in Canada, the same mental institution that diagnosed me and finally offered me a glimmer of hope.