My T told me today that he feels like we've hit a plateau lately, and he seemed frustrated by this. He also told me that I have a big disconnect between my real self and what I show to people, and told me that I want support from people but don't let them in. Thankfully he switched the topic to self harm and we briefly talked about that, and then set me up with an emergency crisis appt next week for a pdoc. But, I seriously walked out of there feeling worse than I did when I went in. I really like this T, and I feel like I've opened up to him more than any other t before. But now I'm worried that he's becoming too frustrated with me and will terminate. I don't know what else to do besides write him a letter explaining all of this, because apparently I suck at letting people in. I don't think I've felt this suicidal than I do tonight.

Thank you for responding. I wrote a letter to him last night, trying to get some stuff out in the open. I don't know if it'll be too much for him, but at least he'll know why it's so hard for me to open up. I'll probably try to give it to him when I go in for my pdoc session this week.