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Originally Posted by Freewilled
Have you ever felt like a completely different person in your session? So tonite I met with my T and I was able to be so carefree! I felt like a playful version of myself. My T even commented that he was experiencing me as being more "light and fun" in my demeanor....
Anyone experience this type of thing with T? Any insights would be much appreciated.
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Yes, I felt carefree and playful with my former T quite often. Thinking back, it reminds me of my daughter who used to run into the room to find me when she was little, jumping up in down, wanting to share her excitement with me eg- "mommy, come look at what the puppy's doing!!" When I was talking classes while in therapy, I had strong urges to ask T to help me with my homework, show him my papers when I got good grades, and other parent-child things like that. There were other times when I was dissociated as the person I was in a younger time...Never knew what triggered it.
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Then I suggested we terminate because I'm feeling fine  I don't know if I'm just running away from hard things or if I'm genuinely getting better.That's true....I think I'm afraid of my T leaving me.
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I think feeling that joy with someone can make it scarier because then we have more to lose. If you don't fully connect with someone, and close off your heart to others, there's really not much to lose.
At least for me, I never had a parent share joy with me, so I didn't know what I had missed while growing up. When I felt like this with T, it felt so good to be in the relationship and to have that joy and connection from a stronger other, but deep down inside, I was terrified of facing the loss of having it taken away and being left feeling empty. I never, ever want to feel like that again-the despair of not being a loved and crying alone in my bed every night as a child.
Have you given this more thought since you last posted?