I successfully experienced a sense of reparenting, almost spiritual, from a school counselor when I was 14, though I didn't call it that. She made herself available to see me on request. She supported me using empathy, big hugs, and empowering tools. She encouraged me, inspired me, and helped me shift my entire worldview from trapped to free. It was an amazing experience, almost like a rebirth. That experience only lasted a few months, so, it was more a tease of what re-parenting would be like, but it was incredibly powerful. After that, I had the strength and perspective to begin the painful process of breaking away from my dysfunctional family, establish boundaries, and prioritize my needs. I definitely internalized her as a loving, kind spirit, her presence is still very much a part of me.

I continued therapy for a while after that counselor left my school, but the next three therapists weren't helpful. I ended therapy at about 18, but began again last year, after a nearly 20 year break as I was having some parenting issues.

I've been seeing my current therapist eleven months, several times a week, we're basically in almost daily contact, and I've made significant progress in parenting, reevaluating my marriage, finding more passion in my life, and getting back to school to finish my degree. Working with my therapist has been so inspiring.

After seeing her for a while, she began talking about how therapy could be considered a re-parenting experience, with the therapist as "good enough Mother" (concept by Donalt Winnicott if you want to read further). Then she revealed she had been through that experience herself over a span of many years with her therapist. If the way she is with me is any indication, it was definitely a success. My therapist is insightful, deeply caring, sincere, very open, warm and not least, versatile and knowledgeable. After seeing me frequently for the first several months, she told me about her mentor's concept of having a therapist for life, which does not mean being in therapy forever, but always having someone to rely on if I want or need to contact her, an open-ended relationship. She's said she's hoping to be my good-enough mother and will not abandon me no matter what I say.

Working with her is like a limited reparenting: she is excited by my successes, reassuring about my "failures," and makes herself available to me on a daily basis (with a few exceptions for trips and such). When I expose my pains to her and share difficult experiences, she does respond the way I wish my parents could have, with faith in me, comfort, understanding and caring. She never balks at my desire to be in contact with her, and gives (virtual) hugs whenever I ask for them. She even sends me songs to comfort me, she is really big on helping me be kind to myself. Also, she just seems delighted, excited, and honored to work with me.

So, that's my experience of it. It's also been very difficult, challenging, and sometimes painful, but the ups and downs establishing our relationship seem to be easing now and it's very rewarding having her in my life.

(In reply to some of the other posts, I will clarify: re-parenting, in my experience, doesn't mean losing power or not being able to take care of myself. I make my own decisions, I increasingly treat myself with compassion, and consider myself an empowered, successful person. I work a lot, am in school, married, mother, volunteer, etc. You can have a parent without actually acting like an infant, it's definitely not either/or, black or white.

Bottom line: having her to lean on, to be emotionally dependent on, makes me stronger, one case in point: I have been faced with huge bills in the past, some medical (unavoidable) but others, a result of my lack of disclipline, like for trips. Each time, I bailed myself out by withdrawing funds from my 401k, because I felt too anxious to be in debt, even though I could always afford the debt payments. Last year, I was feeling so anxious again, I logged onto the website and considered liquidating my 401k, ending my retirement fund. It was a wrenching moment. Instead, I had an impromptu four hour therapy session. I was in agony. The internal debate about not being able to live with the financial hole I was in versus not wanting to trade away my retirement was hard for me to bear: I had never borne it before, I had always caved in to the easy way out. But my therapist listened and bore with me for four hours, as I sobbed and expressed my great distress.

I didn't cash out my 401k.

It's been several months since then, and although my finances are in bad shape, I am paying all my bills, trying to cut back on spending, and I have not touched my 401k. She helped me be a stronger, better version of myself, able to bear my anxiety better because I could share it.

That's a private story I've never told anyone, I hope it will be helpful.

My relationship with my therapist is not at all like the strange work by Schiff, which I've glanced at briefly and don't relate to at all. It is a very simple, healing, powerful, challenging process of learning that she's committed to me, cares about me, empathizes with me, and will support me unconditionally, being around as long and often as I want. It really is kind of like just having a mom to call and tell about my day and trust to have my best interests at heart. I think it's helpful to think of it as reparenting me from where I am now, encouraging a healthy dependency, showing me what it can be like to not just tell but show someone I'm hurting and not get hurt worse for it but come out better for sharing. As a parent figure, I don't find my therapist patronizing or dismissive at all, but rather empowering and respectful: it was my birth parents who were dismissive!)