And I am a completely horrible person. All I want to do is talk about me and how I feel like life isn't worth living. I feel like I need her to realize that I'm not as okay as she thinks I am. I have nothing and nobody to live for and I'm so tired. But even if I would tell her how I'm really feeling it's not going to change anything anyway. She can't fix it. I feel like I'm an inconvenience to her. She's the only person that I've ever been able to talk to about my depression because she had been thru it herself. But she's happy now she's got a husband and a son. I can't just come around with my unhappiness and let out all my feelings.
Again even if I do talk about it, it's not gonna fix the way I feel. It seems nothing is going fix it.
My T says that if I only think that my life is going useless and I'll never be happy then that's all that it will be. Honestly, I could become active and loose 20 lbs. and try to make myself look pretty and sign up for every dating site and hope that maybe someone finds me the slightest bit attractive but that doesn't mean that my life is going to get better. In fact other peoples past experiences and my own tell me that I can do everything right and still end up with the short straw. Life isn't just what you make it, I believe there are things like fate that come into play that I have no control over. So why work hard if nothing's going to change? Why keep living if nothings going to change?